Hi everyone:
I am the mom that was on today's show. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their support and advice.
When I contacted the show, I did not know that they would actually want to put us on TV, nor was I looking for any sympathy. I was looking for some advice from someone who has been in my position before. I know that I am not perfect or organized and that is why I needed help. I did follow some of Ms. Cole's advice and life has gotten a little easier. I know that there are many women out there who have to go through so much more than I do, and I am grateful that both of my children are healthy, but I just felt like I needed some help before I lost my mind.
As for my husband helping, he does help out. He works 60 hours a week and helps out as much as he can with the kids and the house.

I think you got BAD ADVISE on the air. Hope more was said off air. The "adviser" put most of the pressure on YOU, and said that you need to put off school before she even looked at the contributuions made by your husband and older daughter. Yeah, your husband's on-air comment about not being a morning person made me, if not many women, want to smack him, but we did not hear what his contributions are. But shame on the adviser for not talking to both you and to your husband, and asking BOTH of you to write down your schedules.
I'm a thirty-year old mother of three girls ages 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and five months. My husband is eight years older than I am, so he had his "fun" years and was more ready than I was to "settle down." You, being as young as you are, probably have already sacrifised a lot of your "self" for your family, and something must remain of YOU or your daughter's won't respect you, and your husband won't recognize you as the woman he loves (not just YOU, personally, but women like you and me).
I hope the "Well I did it all, and I have more kids than you have, and your husband is not helpful" comments end. That's not constructive, nor supportive. And women today so lack support from other women.
I do think there are more constructive ideas out there for you and your family. Here are small examples that work for US (which may or may not work for you): My husband works two jobs outside of the home, so when he's home, he wants quality time with his daughters. So he does some of the chores WITH our girls as part of his quality time. They can wash the car together while I'm preparing lunch. He bathes them and reads to them before bed while I'm nursing our youngest daughter. When one of them is sick, we split the night in half: he gets one shift, I get the other. That way, we both get a bit of rest. (Honestly, though, when they're sick, they really just want "Mommy," but we try.)
Good luck to you, and hope you can find some truly helpful ways of organizing and getting it all done!

I'm so glad you wrote in! I just watched the show this morning. I was so relieved to see someone else in my same situation! I have 4 girls (ages 13 - 3) and I also work from home. My husband is a firefighter and gone for 48hr stretches every week. I'm overwhelmed by everything that "needs" to be done in a day...but there is just never enough time.

I have to say I really felt your pain when the counselor was suggesting you make a list of your day and you commented it was just one more thing to get done. I have the same anxiety when something new pops up. I'm barely keeping my head above water...and then one of my girls gets sick, or the car needs to be serviced, or it tax time and I need to get that major task completed.

I didn't get the sense that Rachel nor the counselor understood the anxiety you feel in trying to be all things to all people...but maybe that is the point - we can't be all things to everyone.

I'd love to chat more with you!

Take care,

Gina

I am like many on this topic a SAHM who also works and manages the house. My motto is something's gotta give. I tell my husband that I may have gotten the house cleaned, but that means no home cooked meal which he LOVES. So it's really what can give in order for you to get done those things that need to be done. Don't forget that even a 15 min tea/coffee break to refocus helps every day. That way you get a little time to do NOTHING for 15 min and just think of something fun. Take care and every day is a new day! Kirsten

I agree that you got bad advice and that your husband should include his schedule as well. You need routines! I have 2 kids, work outside the home and I babysit before and after school. My husband works 10 hours a day and 5 hours on Saturdays. You can do this!!!
I am not a morning person and my husband is out the door 10 minutes after we get up (6AM). I have a routine in the evening where I make lunches, load my washer with clothes and soap only, lay out clothes for the next day, thaw food for the next evening and get all backpacks ready. We bathe at night (every other night for the kids unless they really NEED it). After hubby leaves, I start the washer. I am out the door at 8 AM and home at 2. The clothes go in the dryer as soon as I walk in and lunch bags are emptied. There is much more, but if you have a routine, it will all become automatic.
I also use a timer when I need to get something done. The kids like to help when I use the timer, too because it's like a game for them. Use your crock pot to cook for w you while you work.
You will be amazed at how much you can accomplish and how much more time you have.
I recommend Flylady.net, but it can be overwhelming at first. Please feel free to email me at mhlessiter@zoominternet.net and I'll be happy to help you out.

--- Edited by HeatherLessiter at 2008-03-26 15:26:02 ---

I totally understand what you are going through. I have a seven week old and a two year old. I am also going to school online for my masters. I have two jobs both away from home but right now I am home for maternity leave. I have days where I scream in the middle of the room and don't know what to do. The house is a disaster trying to keep up with the two year old. My seven week old is not sleeping through the night yet. My husband works graveyard so he is not able to out much. Life can be overwhelming. My jobs are at an elementary school working with special education students and at night at Office depot on my husband's nights off. I hope that your advice on the show was able to help.

While I was watching the show today about your busy day, it made me wonder where the grandparents were and why aren't they helping out some. I realize your husband works lots of hours too but he could help out giving the kids baths at night, with dishes,with bedtime, . your day's are 24/7, you didn't say much about his.! 12/5??????

Hi Rania
I just wanted to let you know that I did catch the show and your jobs are undeniably overwhelming. But, honestly, I agree with the "expert". I am a traditionalist so I expect several scathing emails in regards to my post. Putting your education off (for now) is not a bad thing. How much emphasis and time can you really invest in school now with everything else that you do? First, take care of yourself (eating, resting, exercising to keep yourself happy), then keep your husband happy (not so hard when you feel good and you will probably find that it will not take that much to make him really happy), and then your children. Try doing the easy things first - like making lunches while cooking supper. Use the crockpot or on a Saturday/Sunday when hubby is home, enlist his help with watching the girls while you do some overtime cooking of easy to do ahead and free meals that will help for the next couple of weeks. There are so many things that you can do to help yourself but first find out what is most important to you. Don't forget that family will not always be there - the girls will grow up and you will have more freedom to finish school/work to fulfill your dreams. At any rate, I do hope that things are working out better for you and would love to hear that you are doing ok. Be glad to "chat" with you.
Sincerely
Jeff's Wife, Josh's Mom, and My Own Woman to boot

TIME-OUT!!
Honey, You need a reasonable schedule. One that is mostly uncomplicated. Try making lunch(es) right after dinner while your (helper- - assign someone to help you. you have a husband and a five yr old!)Your 5yr old can do many things to help you and it gives the child a good sense of worth. Have your husband bathe your child(ren) right after dinner--this allows him bonding time with the child(ren) and you a bit of a breather (or you to do the dishes). Chose your clothes and chidren's clothes the night before..usually right before bed. You and the child are in the room together..choose the clothes for the next day. read a book and nite nite.
You take the first shower in the morning-yes, even before your husband...or take one together.....!
Crock pots are the greatest invention since the light bulb and cost about as much as lightbulb burning all day.
So get up,and get up early, get clean, get dressed, You should be ready for the day within 45 mins.
Breakfast is necessary however it need not be the "Sunday brunch style" on week days. Toaster pancakes, waffels, or french toast (all of which you can make in advance and put in your freezer).
Try making a menu for the week. what day shoud you do this?
Saturday night with your family at the dinner table or Saturday moring with your family. If thats too much hassel then you decide what the menu is and STICK to IT. A menu offers several things: helps you stay on a budget with groceries, shortens grocery shopping and keeps you on track.

Make a list of chores and for goodness sake..assign some out to your spouse and older child(ren). Don't underestimate the power of a 5yr old.

Have specific days for specific chores.
And do not quit school.
If you get organized....yes all the way down to your silverware drawer...You can have the world.
Good Luck

So glad to hear your story. I am only a mother of one and sometimes feel...well you know. Hope you sorted out the advise and put in place what is best for you! The best organization plan is to set back (yes, that means things will not get done that moment) and take inventory. Don't 'put-off' school...just take a class at a time. Once you stop it is HARD to go back. When my baby was born I went back to get my teachers certificate and it is taking longer than I would like, but hey it will get done.

The advise about kids baths at night is a great idea! If my daughter didn't get a bath at night she would NEVER get one. I am sure this next one has been said but sometimes it never hurts... Make a pack with your husband...One night he does dishes while you give the girls and bath and then switch nights. This gets both tasks done at the same time. What is his incentive for this??? Well, that means that 2 nights a week GO TO BED WITH HIM! This is important for both of you...your mental health needs each other...even if it is just snuggling while you are asleep.

Sweetie, I heard something the other day that has helped me. IT WILL BE THERE TOMORROW! Work will get done, and I am sure you are setting aside time for that. School, keep a class going and you will be able to put a better foot forward. Love those kids, love those kids, love those kids...remember they are the greatest gift from GOD you will ever know. The laundry, dishes, housework...WILL BE THERE TOMORROW. Set aside one day of the week or a two hour block during the day...do what you can.

Remember you are not alone. What I do recomend is finding someone to talk to and finding an excersise program! Find a friend to go walking with and have a little vent session. You have an understanding that it is just venting, this will help. If you like to dance try Jazzercise...it works wonders!!!! OH, and talk to that husband and tell him you need more help. Don't let him make you feel like his job is more important than everything you do!!

SOrry for going on...

Here's the best tip.... STOP WORKING!!! Don't do schooling, don't do work. I don't. I love being able to spend all day with my son. I clean when he is napping and take time for myself then as well. It's going to affect your kids, by you not being there for them. Yes, you are there, but, really you are not there for THEM! Schooling and work can come later, when your kids are in school. If you really want to make the most out of your family and time, then JUST be a mom and wife. Not a coworker, or student. I am so happy to have what I have right now. It's important to my son, and I can see that. If you wanted to work and continue school, you really shouldn't have brought children into the picture. You may as well just dump them in a day care. That's about how much attention you are giving them. Please think about what is important NOW to your family, and not to you. Be selfless and give your time to your children, your undivided time. And treat your man good. You will be all the more happy when you can play with your children, whenever they want to play. I promise you that.

Hey, I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids 2 with autism so sometimes my energy must be focused on the kids and nothing else.I work 2 days a week and do a lot within the autism community.It leaves very little time in my schedule an I was also unwilling to let any of what I do go. If you two are working so hard to make ends meat it may not be possible to stop working but, there are some great tips here. Combine activities when you can. Like do one big cooking day and cook the big meats for the rest of the week and then you just have to worry about veggies and starches. Saves tons of time in the evening. I always just drop laundry when I can and put the baskets in the room. When me or hubby who works 12 hr days are sitting in the room whoever has a few moments folds. Also some lunches can be prepacked a few days ahead. Leftovers are great lunches its what we do in our home when you are putting away leftovers pack them in a bag with a date on them.Or buy the inexpensive quicky lunches that he can grab and go. I wouldn't quit school since it will be almost impossible to pick up again but maybe reduce you work load one or two classes instead of a full schedule. To me the biggest lesson learned is sometimes things just don't get done and I've learned not to sweat it. Its your home so what if the floor doesn't get swept every day or if there is dishes in the sink. Give yourself permission to let a few things go. Also a video here and there won't kill the kids and may give you those few extra minutes you need to catch up. We have a major TV limit on the kids only allow them Tv right before the bus comes but every once in a while when I am overwhelmed I pop a video in. Its a treat for them and gives me a few moments to gather myself. Again not all the time but when its needed.
Just remember you are important too so give yourself the time you need if you are frazzled it does no one around you any good. Also maybe you can find a couple who also have kids and do a babysitting exchange. You watch their kids so they can go out and they return the favor. It'll be a free way to get some time together as husband and wife instead of being in mommy mode all the time. This also works for during the week in the times you need a some time. Having a mom pop in and rescue you knowing you'll return the favor when she needs it. As long as you have someone who does so 50/50 so you aren't just watching their kids its a great solution.

Dear muddoc_b,

Sorry to burst your self-righteous bubble, but in today's economy it isn't always practical to live on one income. I'm sure Rania would love - as we all would- to stay home with our children and be there for them until they are older. HOWEVER, she may have to work and making her feel guilty for doing so even if she doesn't have to is helping no one.Congratulations to you for having and partaking of your opportunity, but it might not be practical in Rania's life and you shouldn't jump to such conclusions.

She obviously loves her job and doesn't want to lose her progress made thus far. She is going to school to better herself and further career. I think that- along with motherhood are admirable. It is also good for her girls to see a woman working hard to achieve her goals. Her ability to work at home is a rare one and she should take advantage of it. Don't beat her up for doing what she feels is right for her and her family. She just wanted some advice on how to handle it all and where to start. Quitting her job and schooling would be the easy way out.

muddoc_b said @ 2008-03-28 13:30:38:

Here's the best tip.... STOP WORKING!!! Don't do schooling, don't do work. I don't. I love being able to spend all day with my son. I clean when he is napping and take time for myself then as well. It's going to affect your kids, by you not being there for them. Yes, you are there, but, really you are not there for THEM! Schooling and work can come later, when your kids are in school. If you really want to make the most out of your family and time, then JUST be a mom and wife. Not a coworker, or student. I am so happy to have what I have right now. It's important to my son, and I can see that. If you wanted to work and continue school, you really shouldn't have brought children into the picture. You may as well just dump them in a day care. That's about how much attention you are giving them. Please think about what is important NOW to your family, and not to you. Be selfless and give your time to your children, your undivided time. And treat your man good. You will be all the more happy when you can play with your children, whenever they want to play. I promise you that.

Hi! I can't believe how many negative comments there are. Wow. I completely understand how this girl feels. I felt for her...I really did. At the same time, I was also thinking a few of the things that have been commented on here. Such as, why is it all on her? Etc. Mainly I just wanted to give a link to something that has helped me greatly in becoming a mom. She should check out http://www.flylady.net There is a ton of information on there, but the main thing to remember is, just take what you can use and hold off on the rest. I've been using the system for quite some time and I am by no means doing everything they suggest, however, it has really helped me in many areas. Get a plan that you feel good about and you can do it!! Hang in there!!