My family had this same problem with our Mom....she had had an accident where she hit another car in the rear...I went to court with her and he took care of the problem for us. Asked her to go to DMV and re-take the test. She went down and as she sat there realized that she could not pass the test. And that's how we got her off the road. Mom had been a bad driver for several years, but it took a judge to make her stop and think about passing a test to keep driving. I wish we had thought of that!!!! Good Luck.....Kathy_Dixon

--- Edited by Kathy_Dixon at 2008-05-21 16:29:55 ---

My dad has Alzheimers and has lived with us for 9 years. It's a very hard emotional roller coaster of a ride. Dad gave up driving a couple of years prior to moving in with us due to his eyesight.He had cataracts and then a detached retina in his right eye, but he was already used to not driving. Dad has come to see me as the "authority" figure, which is ironic because I'm the youngest of seven. There isn't alot of support or communication from my siblings, so what I say goes. I know that I would have had to take away my dad's keys years ago and it would've been hard. I'm glad he made the decision.

I am so very glad that Mary gave up her keys. I actually just signed onto this site just to say that.

My grandmother (Meme is what we called her) could be a pretty bad driver at times. Everyone in the family cracked jokes about it but there was never any concern for taking her keys because she was never in any accidents or had any close calls.

Last year, she was in a horrible car accident. To this day, we don't really know what happened because there were no witnesses. It's been assumed that she probably had a stroke. I guess that could happen to anyone, good driver or not. Anyhow, very long story short, my Meme never regained mobility and never left the hospital for a year. She had more strokes and declined. She passed away this past November. I miss her so much. Not sure if the accident could have been prevented, but nonetheless, Mary's story made me think of her.

I have this same issue with my parents. My mom is not driving anymore basically because my Dad drives her wherever she needs to go. But my Dad's driving is declining and he does not see it. I tried to explain it to him but he was adament that it was one thing he could still do. They are both having memory problems and are actually moving in with me in 2 weeks from their home in FL. I couldn't argue with him about the driving as we are in the process of taking away so much of their independence. It is hard to find the balance between safety and independence. And they are still my parents that I respect and honor and it is hard to switch the roles for both me and them. I do have some help from my brothers but as I am a nurse they are happy to let me take the lead. I need to know....how do you find the balance...safety,independence,respect,love,honor...the parent letting the child take charge and the child dealing with the problem of having to tell their parents what is best rather than the other way around.

If you're having trouble convincing an elder driver to stop driving, I think it's important to think about safety for pedestrians and other drivers - I live in Ontario (Canada) where seniors have to be tested annually after the age of 80 - but that didn't prevent an 85 year old from knocking down a pedestrian and dragging her to her death - the driver didn't know she'd hit anyone until the police showed up at her door. (this happened 4 years ago - the victim was a young wife and mother who was out for a walk in our quiet neighbourhood). I only hope no-one else needs to go thru such a tragedy to get the message - driving is a privilege not a right.

A driving test needs to include: Eyesight, reflexes, hearing ... if there's any doubt, it's time to take a taxi, bus, or hire a car service .. the short-term expense can save a life or more!

As a medical student, I see many elderly patients that have begun to lose feeling in their legs-- this is yet another sign that they probably should not be driving. I have one 86 year old patient who constantly complains that his legs often "give out" and "feel dead," yet when I ask him if he believes this brings about concern about his driving, since there may come a day when he can't sense whether his foot is on the accelerator or break, he tries to minimize his symptoms. I have not yet convinced him that he should not be driving, so my concern grows not only for him but also the people around him when he drives.

I agree with the last posting. Not only do we have to be concerned with the safety of our elderly drivers, but we must also worry about the danger they pose to others. What if Mary had backed into a child instead of a truck? Driver proficiency testing is a good idea. Driving is a privilege, not a right.

I agree with the last posting. Not only do we have to be concerned with the safety of our elderly drivers, but we must also worry about the danger they pose to others. What if Mary had backed into a child instead of a truck? Driver proficiency testing is a good idea. Driving is a privilege, not a right.

In June 16, 1992 my 7-year old son was hit by a car and killed in Morgan Mill, Texas. The elderly lady driving the car was 80-years old. The highway patrol indicated if she would steered the car 6 more inches to the right, she would have missed my son. I often wonder if this ladys family tried to get her to give up her keys. I often wonder how the elderly lady emotionally recovered, or did she, after accidently killing my son.

After we reach an elderly age (70s) a driving test should be administered via simulation machines.

The lady across the street from me just passed away at 103. She lived by herself till 100. I wanted to let you know how her family handled her still driving. They had our police department to help them. They told her that her car had been stolen and had an police officer to come by. It worked. She didn't want to replace the car.

Hi Mary..........I know you probably won't read this BUT......you are so sweet and SASSY too. I absolutely fell in love with you and want you around for a long time.

My grandmother passed away a few years ago....90+ years young....she was still driving and SASSY too....LOL. She went really peacefully and for that I am so grateful. Your family loves you much....and your driver is a hottie..........LOL But you know that already.

Many, many many years to you Mary.

Good looking out Rachel and Family!!!

Love you much,

Lady "D"
From Jersey

My sincerest condolences to you and your family!!!

mslinda said @ 2008-05-22 10:40:04:

In June 16, 1992 my 7-year old son was hit by a car and killed in Morgan Mill, Texas. The elderly lady driving the car was 80-years old. The highway patrol indicated if she would steered the car 6 more inches to the right, she would have missed my son. I often wonder if this ladys family tried to get her to give up her keys. I often wonder how the elderly lady emotionally recovered, or did she, after accidently killing my son.

After we reach an elderly age (70s) a driving test should be administered via simulation machines.

Even though this topic is "Elder" driving, I want to address the main issue in this particular case, and that's the issue of not seeing well enough to drive. I am only 54, but I have been off the road for almost 5 years now, due to a slow blindness from a condition called idiopathic retinal parafoveol telangiectasia - a mouthful,indeed, but it's a rare cousin of macular degeneration. It wasn't my doctor who recommended that I stop driving, I chose to, devastating as that was. I can't tell you how depressing this was, for I was the hop-in-the-car-and-go, independent type. As hard as it was for me to give up driving, and as hard as it is, and inconvenient, for me to try to get around today, I knew in my heart that I could not get behind the wheel, not being able to see well, and put my life and others' in danger. I would say to this lady, and others facing this decision, for whatever reason, to look at yourself and your situation honestly, enlist the help of your family and friends, and make the sacrifice to give up the driving if needed. It may seem like the end of the world, but I would rather live with that than to do harm because of my ego. Thanks for listening.

My fathers car was starting to look scratched. We had a major concern about his ability to drive safely. It was suggested to us to have him take some driving lessons. They could make the judgement of whether he should drive or not. It took the decision out of our hands and made life much easier for all of us.

Hi Joe,

I don't think they are talking about ALL senior drivers only those that are having serious issues with their health...sight and/or continuous dings in their cars, others' cars, trees....houses.........etc.

I am glad to hear that you are getting around in your vehicle safely.....and may you have many more years of safe driving to come!!!

Joe_From_NC said @ 2008-05-22 11:07:38:

I AM one of the senior drivers and I disagree with this whole subject. There are more accidents caused by YOUNGER drivers then accidents caused by OLDER drivers. To correct the problem there should be laws passed where if a drver (ageless) has an accident in a specific year he MUST attend drivers ed classes the following year. If he has more then one accident in a year his licnse should be suspended for one month. If he repeats the following year longer suspensions should be designed .. continued accidents result in total suspension. Driving is a privilege that should not be denied to GOOD drivers!

We recently had to take away my father in-laws licence. He was in the hospital for Pneumonia at which time the doctor said he had dementia. We were very shocked but found out that a serious illness can exacerbate an underling illness such as dementia. The doctor told him not to drive till he was completely recuperated from the pneumonia. He was very upset about this. I took him for his annual eye exam for new glasses, where we also found out he had macular degeneration in one eye. I pulled the eye doctor aside, told him the situation. He then went in an told my father-in-law he would no longer be able to drive because of the macular degeneration. Problem solved, doctor was the bad guy not us.

Ummm, can I give up my keys to that guy? I know I'm only 39 but I want to him as my chauffer too!

Great topic Rachael and loved how you helped this family out!

J

I'm happy Mary gave up her keys as the episode reminded me of my PopPop. My father tried for years to get the keys away from my grandfather who every Sunday morning would go to the local stationary store to buy the Sunday paper. He was about 89 or 90 when he started having a lot of fender benders & then 1 serious accident when my father finally asked for the keys.
It was a few days later on a Sunday morning when we heard his '72 V-8 Oldsmobile start up(as it would vibrate through the driveway & into the house!)and it was then after my father couldn't get out fast enough to stop him he realized he had multiple copies of the car keys!

I'm a EMT in New Jersey and the job could get very stressful at times. Where I work we have a lot of main highways where deaths occur to frequently and unfortuntly a lot of my patients are elderly patients. Sometimes it is depressing to walk to too a car and to see the someones grandma is sitting in that driver seat severly injured. Even though teenagers get in a lot of accidents we can not always blame the kids. Seeing as I myself am still a teenager. Overall I have been on the job since October of 2006 and the majority of my patients are elders. Unfortuntly there is no law stopping elders from driving but I do feel that after the age of 70 they should have to take another road test to see if they are elgible to drive. Sorry if this offends anyone but I just wanted to put in what it is like in the medical field.

I AM one of the senior drivers and I disagree with this whole subject. There are more accidents caused by YOUNGER drivers then accidents caused by OLDER drivers. To correct the problem there should be laws passed where if a drver (ageless) has an accident in a specific year he MUST attend drivers ed classes the following year. If he has more then one accident in a year his licnse should be suspended for one month. If he repeats the following year longer suspensions should be designed .. continued accidents result in total suspension. Driving is a privilege that should not be denied to GOOD drivers!

Please forgive my spelling errors. I just know someone will point them out to me.

*Wheel

I have a different spin on this:

Get Mary's car updated with:
1. sensors on the back and sides of her car that will beep if she is getting too close to an object; child or other

2. OnStar, so that everyone can track her down and know where she is when she is out driving, so that she has access to immediate medical attention should she need it, reports to the kids for every fender bender that she might have

3. larger side mirrors

4. have a mechanic "rig" her car where it will not go over a certain speed

5. install a loud beeper on the back of the car (like trucks have) that will warn others that a vehicle is backing up

6. put a bumper sticker on the back bumper that says Elderly Driver behind the will! Magnet signs on the sides of the car that advertise the same thing.

7. instruct Mary to park at the far end of a parking lot away from the majority of other vehicles

8. whatever modern items are out there that would HELP Mary drive safer with the abilities that she still has

9. YES, I agree that she needs to go to the DMV and take another written and driving test; just like the rest of us, 16 or older, if you don't pass the tests, you don't get to drive.

Mary seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Get her all the medical help she needs to help her vision problems.

I hear of someone running over a child every week; three times in the last 2 weeks: a father backed over his toddler in his driveway, a mother backed over her toddler in her driveway, a teenager backed over his five year old sister; all of these children died. Heartbreak that will never go away. Everyone of us needs to improve our driving and be as cautious as we can be to prevent these kids of tragedies.

I believe ALL cars should have to have back up sensors before they pass yearly inspections. All automobile manufactures should be required to make these standard on the autos they build.

If Mary does give her keys to her family, THEN they should be at her disposal on a daily basis to drive her wherever she wants to go.

I am my Mother's caregiver for seven years now, she lives with my family, she gave up her keys for 2 years but is driving again and doing a fine job; I ride with her behind the wheel and she is very safe.

In January and elderly man, age 82, ran a red light and hit my car, he didn't even know the light was red, he couldn't even read me his driver's license insurance information. 100%, this man doesn't need to be allowed to drive a vehicle. He was so feeble I wasn't sure he was going to be able to continue to stand when he was speaking to me.

Having that man drive Mary is only a very short term solution that not many of us could afford to give our parents.

My grandfather continued to drive into his late 80's. He became an unsafe driver in his late 70s. We tried countless times to "take his keys" but we were told by him that we didn't love him or were taking his independence. In November 1995 (at the age of 88), he pulled out of our family's store parking lot into oncoming traffic and was hit by by a woman with a prior DUI record. My grandfather never got out of the hospital and died in June 1996. I certainly feel the guilt of any family member that is in this scenario, but it is so important to convey to them that they will still have their freedom and independence. The fear is that they'll be trapped and don't want to burden family with shuttling them around.

One problem the general public has with updating the laws re: issuing licenses and re-testing elderly drivers is that the lobbying groups have such a strong hold on the legislature that citizens are at risk. AARP is a great organization, however it prevents states from being able to change laws regarding senior drivers. Laws regarding teen drives - another group that has caused serious concern, are being changed as there are no lobbys "protecting" them. I believe all drivers should be retested at least every 5 years. I know there are good elderly drivers, but there are also those that are putting others at risk.

You know it's time to give up the keys when your Grandfather tells you he "bumped the darn jogger" who apparently was running in his lane of the road! He decided it was okay to give him a little nudge with his bumper to let him know who should and who should not be on the roads!