i am 35 with 5 children 9,8,6,4,2 tell me when you have time for your husband. I do not understand yes I am a woman first, I would love to drop everything and jump into bed with my husband...but not with kids...I have 3 kids in school and 2 at home just to clean and be done it is already time to pick up the other three. keep in mind catering to two kids while doing house chores....and @ 3 doing homework with 3 children and then put dinner on the table upon studying and other house chores. By the time I am done my bed look better then an orgasm....mind you when my husband walks in all hell breaks loose...I am a beautiful woman in supreme shape from all the housework.....these woman today may have set out to do this lifestyle but please not always happy......I wish someone could observe us to make my marriage beautiful and full of loving with honey

I can understand what you are saying. Well, on a smaller scale. I am 20 and have 1 child and 2 setp children. My daughter is 2 and stays home with me 24/7. And like you said, I take the kids to school in the AM, clean, get my baby to nap, laundry, etc. and by that time its time to pick the kids up. Then homework, dinner, clena up after dinner, get the kids ready for bed.... I really try to find time for my man. He is a very...sexual person. That stresses me a little more because I feel like I have to stay on top of that subject a lot. But anyways... I recently had a 2 month seasonal job and honestly, our sex life hit the bottom. I dont really know why but I never wanted to have sex. Finding the time for "us" is very difficult. I couldnt imagine it with more children in the house! Brownie points for you, even if you have a hard time finding time for him, you are doing a great job as a homemaker!

While watching todays show, my first thought was "yeah whatever", but after listening to the two couples, I found that I was actually jealous because this is the way that I would LOVE for my life to be... not neccesarily the 'stay at home" part because that is just not my nature, but everything else. In the beginning of my family life, I worked so hard to be everything that these women are, except that I also worked outside of the home. I tried to make sure my husband never had to do any of the what was once considered "woman's work". My husband shares the 'old school' mentality that a house should be like what we saw with Ward & June Cleaver, and he 100% expected me to play that role, in addition to working 48 hours a week outside of the home, with an hour commute each way to and from work... On the days I had to work a later shift, or when I had to work the weekends, he did not hesitate to throw in my face that he was essentially a single parent... so what do you do with the man that expects this superwoman IN ADDITION to expecting the additional paycheck to come into the house every week or two weeks??? Well, 14 years later, the resentment is there because I did work so hard to be everything all the time... handled ALL of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, setting up daycare, shopping (to this day he has not so much as been into a store to buy his own underwear)... I do ALL of the 'woman' work around the house, then have it thrown in my face that I'm not home before him, in the kitchen wearing high heels with a smile on my face, sex on my mind.. and oh yeah, he'd like to know why I'm never outside to help him with yardwork, or fixing and washing vehicles..

So my hats off to these couples who have the balance they need that makes them happy... And to never say NO to sex??? I think that you are two couples to admire... but it also makes me feel like a failure because as hard as I've tried and worked for the past 14 years at all of this, my husband is still not happy or content with what I do or have done... but I really do think that todays couples are beautiful and blessed.

I also agree that these couples are wonderful, but I honestly do not think that they have a hectic lifestyle. One couple has only 2 children and the other no children. It's a big difference when you have 4 or 5 children like us.

I would like to see them try it and own a business. My husband and I own a construction business that is run out of the home. There is no time off, you can't leave "work at work" and walk away. Everything falls to me, kids, house-yes house inside and out, finances. Maybe he should lend a hand, but how do you tell him that. He is the man of the house, and that is the way his family values are. Sometimes I wish I knew that before we had kids, but there is no going back now.
My husband saw this segment and said that is the way it should be and what is your problem, why are you miserable. They need to show what the man needs to bring to the table sometimes too!!!

I debated on whether or not to respond to this thread - I am the woman with the 2 children who was a guest on the show.

Our lives are very full as I homeschool my two children and my husband runs two companies (manufacturing bucket trucks). The entire story just cannot be told in a 10 minute segment.

They took video of my husband working on his laptop in the evening after the kids are in bed - like he usually does - but it was not included in the segment.

He works very very hard so I can stay home and I admire his work ethic. I desire to do anything I can to lighten his burdens so he can chase his dreams and when he succeeds - we both succeed!

We are in NO WAY saying that other marriages should look like ours - I think it's wonderful if a husband wants to help with the laundry - three cheers for that man! This is what my husband needs and I am willing to meet his needs and in turn he meets mine.

We hope to have more children - so I know a lot more work is ahead of me...but please know that we do not believe other marriages should look like ours. This is what works for us. The principles in Dr. Haltzman's book are universal and do help marriages that are on the brink of divorce.

I hope you understand that what you see on tv is edited and only half the story. The reality is marriage is hard work no matter which style you choose!

Courtney
http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com

Courtney... I'm sorry if people make you feel as if you have to defend yourself for having a beautiful marriage... I hope that my previous post did not make you feel that way. My point was to say that I wished my life could be this beautiful, however, it is not MY reality. You and your husband seem to have your lives under control... with having kids, whether it's one or more than one, makes life in itself trying, bt you have found what works for you to make you and your family happy. And I for one take my hat off to you!! No, your lives may not be as hectic as some of the rest of ours, but I feel the a reason for that is not that it's NOT hectic, but you choose to handle things in ways hat makes it a lot less dramatic than some of us others do.

So again, I apologize for anyone that makes you feel like you have to explain or defend the fact that you have a wonderful life & marriage. Possibly a defense mechanism due to jealousy... I wish you all the continued happiness that you and your husband have made the decision that you will have.

I think that it is fine to have a traditional marriage as long as you are both on the same page. He respects what you do for your home and your family. What I have a REALLY BIG ISSUE with is... He has NEVER changed a diaper.

What kind of man does NOT want to change a diaper and count the little toes or touch the little belly? What kind of man does not ever give his kids a bath.. he never plays hide the rubber ducky with the kids. OR wraps them in a towel and carries them to their room?
PLUS-- "I would never dream of asking my husband for help".. is this a marriage? I mean he is supposed to be the first person you go to for help. Your partner, your cheerleader. Are you honestly telling me she does not need help EVER. Does she never get sick? Go away on a vacation with girl friends?

What is this telling the kids?

Plus the whole "I am not grumpy" What kind of unrealistic expectations are you showing your kids to always put on a smile. LIVE life. Get messy. Break down once and awhile. Know that your partner is there to pick you up.

I never once minded that he didn't change a diaper - so don't let it bother you. It has never bothered me. We are happy that way! That is in no way a reflection of his fatherhood - he counted the little toes and touched their belly as you mentioned...he just never wiped poop up!

You mentioned what would I do if I got sick? If I'm sick - he gets fast food and the laundry can wait...he does help me in so many ways - he puts gas in the car for me, washes the car, takes care of the grass, does all the bills, provides for me all of my needs and a bunch of wants and is my best friend! Please don't judge him - he is an excellent father. He plays in the backyard for hours with the kids - football, soccer, tag..., takes the kids on trips in the car to errands he needs to run, prays with them, cuddles with them, listens to them, takes them out for "Daddy Donut Day" and huge ice cream cones! He's an excellent father!

And for me, I want to be self-controlled with my emotions. For me, I am more comfortable saving my frustrations for when the kids are not around. If you like to pour it out the minute your man gets home - have at it...it's just not my style.

We NEVER said "be like us" - we said "this works for us." And Rachael Ray's Producer contacted us and asked us to go on the show - I never asked to be on there - so please understand. Being attacked for just simply opening up our home to others has not been real fun - my loyalty to my husband and your criticism of him just compelled me to explain further.

Much Love,
Courtney

Hey Courtney- I just wanted to say that I think you and your husband's approach to marriage is great! I'm in the same boat- I'm a stay-at-home mom with two kids- mine are 4 and 1. I homeschool pre-school for my four-year-old, and my one-year-old is right there with us! My husband works long hours, and sometimes might not see our kids for a couple of days b/c he has left before they woke up and gotten home after bedtime. I do the cooking, the majority of the cleaning, shopping, errands, etc. I don't turn him down for sex (why, it's fun!). AND I LOVE IT! I think women run into this myth a lot that you can have everything you want. You might be able to have everything, but NOT AT THE SAME TIME! It's impossible to be 100% effective in every area- kids, home, work. You make choices, and the other things get less of your attention. The more you spread yourself out, the less attention each area gets. It's not about balance- you can't balance it- it will always be uneven. So you make your choices and deal with the consequences- good and bad. Courtney has made choices about the way she lives her life, as have I, and we are happy! Maybe not everyday, every second of the day (I'll just speak for myself here), but yes, I am generally very happy with my choice. As far as not being grumpy, what's wrong with trying to have a positive attitude, and not bring others down with your emotions, which change all the time? A woman does control the tone of the household, and your positive (or negative) attitude affects those around you. I believe It is possible for anyone to be just as happy- if you chose to be. Stop haveing such impossible standards and requirements for yourself. Cut back on some things if you have to. Do less if it means you all will be happier. And most importantly, cherish the time you have with your family, because everything in this life only lasts for a short while, before it slips through your fingers and this period of time, of your life, is over. What is really most important to you? What do you want your legacy to be? I wish you all well!

I just want to say that I was not trying to judge your choice to stay home, take care of the house, and your husband. I too am a "traditional" wife in most areas. I take great happiness in making my kids and husband happy. He is my best friend and his needs are met most of the time. He in turn meets mine.

I just wanted to say that my parents had a traditional marriage and my dad now comments on how much he missed out by NOT helping with the kids. I just wanted to state my peace about Dad's being involved in their kids lives.

NOW with that being said... I totally understand people judging you and your life style. My husband does not carry a briefcase and leave in the morning and show up at meal time. He straps on his gun and we do not see him for 4-5 days as he is sleeping during the day and gone at night.We are judged because of his career and how much he is gone. We are judged because I take care of everything at home so when he is finally off we can have together time.. and family time. He picks up the vacuum when he feels like it needs to be done, or does the dishes when I have cooked a great meal for him. But, I mostly take care of everything.

I wake up to see him at 2am and people think I am CRAZY. But, it works for us. So- I just wanted to articulate more on my previous reply. I was not judging your decisions as a couple and family. Just questioning if the kids where feeling like Dad was not invested in their life. Happiness does not come in a standard package. As long as you feel like you are loved, cherished, appreciated and that you have a partner to help you with whatever you need- that is all that matter.

Amy