Battle of the Sexes
Remember when Colby Donaldson offered a rare glimpse at what men really say about women behind closed doors? His Girl's Guide to Guys elicited tons of letters and e-mails, even striking a nerve in 13-year-old Nicolette. Rachael decides to turn the tables by inviting Nicolette and four other women from different age groups to sit down and discuss what they think about guys.
Here are some of their comments:
"I understand a lot more about men at this stage of the game, but it's a different type of confusion ... it is absolutely true that we are very different species."
"It really never is easy ... a woman will say to a guy, 'I will call you later.' We mean, when we get home. When a guy says, 'I'll call you later,' it means before he dies!"
"I've learned that boys like to lie ... the most frustating thing is they like to play games with your head."
"I can honestly say, that men live in men bodies, but they act like children ... it doesn't get any better with age."
"Guys are not at the same point that girls are at 23. They're not there yet ... maybe I should just give up?"
Colby's in the hot seat when he attempts to answer their questions and reassure them that there are still good guys out there. "One, don't give up, don't ever give up," he says. "They're out there, they really are. Two, we are just as confused as you guys are. But the bad thing is that we don't communicate as well as you do. So you have to do the communicating and sometimes when we say we'll call you -- if day 2 goes by, day 3, and then you get the call and that's not soon enough for you, you have to let them know. Guys do want to do the right thing, and we really want to make it work and so often we want you guys to tell us."
Rachael wants to know what the youngest of the women got out of their discussion. "I felt that guys are gonna be the same at any age," Nicolette says. "Boys will be boys, I think." Colby's got some particular advice for her about guys, which he says would be helpful not just for Nicolette, but for a woman of any age. "Ignore them a little bit. I guarantee that if the guy is into you and you ignore him a little bit, he's going to come running."
What did the other woman think of their meeting? "None of us are alone, we're all in the same boat," says DevonÃ©e.
Portia was impressed with how many issues they all had in common despite the age differences. "It's true all the way across the board," she remarks. "Sometimes that's refreshing, but at the same time, we could also can say, oh my gosh, does that mean it's hopeless even though you say don't give up?"
Colby tells them that they all have a key advantage over men. "At the end of the day," he explains, "you guys hold the power. You can't let the men define you, because it really is you who's calling the shots. Whether it's saying yes to being asked out on a date or as that progresses to something more. You got the power, you really do."
Rachael affirms Colby's advice for the women. "You gotta be more vocal and more specific about what it is you want and what you expect," she tells them.
How does Colby address their concerns about men who cheat? "There are a lot of those out there (and there are a lot of women who cheat)," he says, "but there are a lot of great guys who don't, who never have and never will." Portia asks, "Where are they?! Can you take me to them?" All joking aside, Colby sums up the attitiude that women -- and men -- should embrace. "Optimism has to win out over pessimism. That's the only way. You have to keep an open mind, because if you're not open to it, then you're not going to meet him or her."
Colby reiterates how guys don't always express how they feel or what they're thinking, but that they do use one way to communicate. "Signals," Colby explains. "We're very good at sending signals. We're not always great at telling you about it or communicating orally, but we do send signals. And when it's working and the guy does want to take you on a date, you'll know about it. And as far as waiting and he doesn't call back -- if he's jonesin' for you, you'll know it. You just have to be ready to pick up those signals."
Portia begs to differ. "But the signals are confusing," she says. "All of us have shared that we've gone out and we've had that really great first or second date, and you get the 'I had a wonderful time, I wanna go out with you again, I'll call you.' And you're feeling the same thing, and then you don't hear from him. And the last thing we want to do is call, and chase him down because we don't want him to think we're desperate or we're not giving him time. And then we don't hear from him."
Rachael asks Colby, "Are they just trying to be nice? Is it that thing where guys just don't want to disappoint a woman?"
Colby explains, "The intention is to not hurt your feelings. Ultimately, it backfires completely because you end up getting hurt even more because of the way it was handled. But if it's going well, and he's feeling about you the way you're feeling about him, he will call. If he doesn't call, then it's time to move on."
Since Portia has 40 years of experience on Nicolette, Rachael asks her to give the young woman some parting words of wisdom. (Despite the fact that Nicolette, in Rachael's motherly words, "should not be worrying about this!")
"I was so into boys when I was her age and I went through the same thing. And as I went through the different years, I found it wasn't really as important as I thought it was to have one. I obsessed about one and thought about one and I really wanted to have a boyfriend. (Oh my gosh, I think I'm sounding like my mother now!) When you do get to this point, what will become just so comfortable for you is that you'll still want a guy (and that's perfectly OK, and be hopeful about it), but it won't be as important because you'll be so comfortable with you. That going out alone you can enjoy without feeling that you have to have someone else out on a date with you to define you. I've taken myself out on dates and had a fabulous time! So you will get to that point."
As Rachael says, "It's about confidence, and love yourself first!"
You asked, Colby answered! Click here to read his responses and to ask Colby your question.
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