Brutally Honest Dating
His online profile says he's 6'2", has a full head of hair and loves foreign films. The truth? He's actually 5'9" (with shoes on!), the full head of hair was in high school and the only movies he'll watch are big-budget action flicks! Would you have gone on the date if he had been honest? Being completely honest is a tricky thing, especially when it comes to looking for love. What if people actually revealed the brutally honest truth -- grouchy in the morning, neediness, receding hairline and all -- before a first date? (Click on the video above for some "brutally honest" dating confessions.)
Rachael loves Esquire magazine's "Brutally Honest Personals," so she puts two couples to a real-life test: What happens when singles put everything out in the open right from the start? Then, Rach's buddy Dennie Hughes weighs in on what you should disclose before a first date and what you should wait to reveal until there's a love connection.
Amy: "I've been called a drama queen. I tend to be a little bit demanding and I can't cook."
Deano: "To be brutally honest, I haven't kissed a girl in 10 years. If you want more honesty, I am a virgin, I don't drink and I'm broke."
Dennie's advice: "Being stubborn and wanting things her way? Not a dating reveal. Let it become obvious if there's chemistry. Trust me, the guy knows before you say it!"
"If you don't make the virginity thing an issue, it's not an issue. I think if you disclose that right off the bat, a lot of people are going to miss out on getting to know you first."
Elyse and Troy
Watch their "brutally honest" confessions and first date.
Elyse: "I am currently unemployed and living on someone's couch. I have a love affair with food so I'm constantly yo-yo dieting. Pretty much the first time we have sex, the lights are going to be off."
Troy: "I'm a total computer geek. I'm always running late for things, partly because I spend way too much time getting ready, especially my hair."
Dennie's advice: "Right off the bat, I would've told you I find it unacceptable that I can be ready for a date and you don't have enough respect for my time to show up on time. I would have a problem with that. That would have been a red flag for me."
Be brutally honest about your positive traits. "Honesty about your best qualities is the best policy," she says. "You want to talk about the good stuff up front, not the uncertain stuff."
If someone says things to you like, "I'm not good at relationships," "You're too good for me, I'm controlling" or "I have problems communicating," believe them! Don't ever fool yourself into thinking you will be the person to change all that. The love of a good man or woman will not change what a person needs to work on themselves.
Very often, at the start of relationships, when someone is not interested, they will reveal a negative trait about themselves. On the flip side, when there's potential, they might reveal a weakness that's more of a vulnerablity than an ugly flaw.
"Asking questions is the dating gift that gives back," says Dennie. When you ask someone questions about themselves, they often feel flattered and you get information. Keep listening and encourage them to share. They'll say some things that may raise a red flag to you, but keep it in the back of your mind. The more they talk the more you'll know about whether it's worth your while to go on a second date.
Brutally Honest Afterthoughts
Elyse and Troy have been out on several dates together, but Elyse has mixed feelings about the brutal honesty. "It really opened me up to new experiences and to date someone I normally, typically wouldn't date," she says. "But I also felt that being brutally honest added a lot of pressure to the date, more so than a typical first date."
"It was definitely a lot more nerve-wracking," agrees Troy, "but I put everything out on the table and nothing really scared her away so that made it so much easier than knowing that I had all of these skeletons in the closet."
As for Amy and Deano, they didn't make it past the first date. "I don't think Amy could get past the virginity issue," he says. And that's the brutal honest truth. "It was just something I couldn't get over," admits Amy, who's appreciative that she didn't spend more time getting to know each other. "No one got hurt. We were upfront and got everything out in the open. It's better off this way."
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