"I Am Truly the Clingiest Girlfriend"
Kristin O'Hare is a self-proclaimed "clingy" girlfriend and calls herself the queen of text messaging. "I am truly the clingiest girlfriend. I'm awful," she says. "I will text message [my boyfriend] continuously throughout the day to just to make sure that they know I'm thinking about them and to ensure the fact that they're thinking of me ... if they don't text message back, the clinginess starts."
Although the 23-year-old jokes about her total of 30 calls and text messages in one day, she admits that her behavior is problematic. "It's a mental battle that I put myself through," Kristin says. "One of the biggest fears I have while being in a relationship is being left. I know that it takes a toll on my relationships and there's nothing more that I want than a happy relationship."
Rachael brings in a life coach, Harriette Cole, to help Kristin before she blows what she says is the best relationship of her life. Harriette starts out by reassuring Kristin about her behavior. "It is so common, you wouldn't believe how many people are like this," she say before digging deeper. "Is this about doubting yourself?"
"When I was younger, the awkward years, 10-12 years old I was overweight. I had buck teeth, I had absolutely no friends," Kristin says. "My sixth grade birthday all the invitations went out, not one person R.S.V.P'd ... I always feel like I'm not good enough."
Harriette points out that she's in a good relationship now and it's clear her boyfriend does care about her. But to really prove the point that constantly asking for reassurance can be exhausting and frustrating, Rachael has her staff pull off a hidden camera surprise backstage.
"Our staff collectively went in 15 times in 20 minutes to check on miss clingy over here," Rachael explains. "Did you see how it could maybe be a little annoying, someone that checks in?"
"It occurred to me but I didn't want to be rude and be like, 'your staff drove me bananas,'" Kristin says. "I didn't know what else I could say to them to say, 'I'm OK.' ... so if you turn it around I could see where friends and my boyfriend are having the same problem."
To help her kick the habit entirely Harriette has these tips to gain some independence:
Write to yourself instead of to him. "Be disciplined," Harriette says. "Eight out of 10 times that you want to text message, write yourself a note instead. If you write on the computer, journal to yourself -- 'this is what I'm thinking, this is why I want to call him and this is why' -- and then look at it. You have to have an activity; if you don't have an activity you're going to text him."
Get busy. "Sign up for an activity so that you're not following behind him all the time. Not just your work, but some hobby, something fun," Harriette says. Kristin says she would love to learn Italian and volunteer at the Humane Society and Rachael makes a deal with her that if she starts volunteering, Rachael will pay for her Italian lessons!
Consider professional help. "A little therapy could be a good thing so that you can change your perspective," Harriette explains. "And that's not easy to do, but you can do it, because you're worth it."
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