"We started planning the party seriously when I was in labor," says Kasi Anderson, about her 1-year-old's birthday. The bash, which her mom calls "the event of the century," was a huge catered event resembling an outdoor carnival with an invite list of 100 people along with a DJ, petting, zoo, face painters, a fire truck, balloon animals, a magician, snack stands, a photographer and a $12,745 price tag. "I know she's not going to remember it," admits Kasi, "but it's a big day for her and me and my husband." She also points out that they could afford the party, and it became a reunion for the whole family.

On the other end of the spectrum is Meg Paetow, who throws small parties at home for her 6- and 8-year-old. "They're allowed to invite five or six friends," she explains, "and they play games ... and I cook all the food and we have cake and ice cream." When Meg hears about Kasi's extravagant birthday party, she questions what message it sends. "It's over the top," she says. "If you start out big like that what do they have to look forward to? Can you top it every year? And wil they look forward to the bigger events in their life?" Meg also raises other issues which can be caused by extravagant parties: competition among parents to outdo one another and children feeling disappointed when their own parties don't measure up. In fact, sometimes she keeps her kids from going to parties just for that reason.

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Rachael brings in life coach Harriette Cole for some guidance. "I think the big question we need to ask is, is it about the child? A celebration of a child's life should be about the child," Harriette cautions. "Is this the right party at the right moment? Is it for your child or is it for you -- or for what other people can think about you? ... You want to teach your child how to appreciate the things at the time that the child can."