Sex Up Your Bedroom
If you and your husband function more as roommates than lovers, you're not alone. Dr. Hilda Hutcherson stops by with some tips bringing a little sizzle back -- especially in the bedroom.
Amanda and Rich have been married for four years and just can't seem to find the spark they had when they were first together. "It's hard for us to connect romantically because of the kids," says Amanda. "We love them but ... they're just there all of the time."
"By the time I'm done with work and I come home and I play with the kids, I'm mentally exhausted," agrees Rich. "I just want to lay down and not think about anything. Romance is not on my mind."
The couple has tried to set aside time for each other without the kids but "even if the kids are with a babysitter, Rich and I end up doing chores," says Amanda. "And that's not romantic."
"I'm only 30 years old," says Rich, "and I feel like we should be in a retirement village."
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure, reassures them. "This problem is extremely common. Most couples go through this at some point in their marriage. We get together as a married couple and we become friends, we become like roomates," she says. "You're flossing your teeth in front of each other. There's a familiarity there that kills the romance and we have to avoid that."
"One of the things that's the first to go in marriage is kissing," says Dr. Hutcherson. "Those romantic kisses, the cuddling and the hugging kind of go by the wayside." To counteract this, she suggests: "Sit next to each other while watching a movie or watching TV and make sure every night that your skin is touching [when you're lying in bed]."
"Little things count a lot," she adds. "Write little notecards and slip it into his coat pocket so he finds it later or leave it in the car. The surprise and excitement that it builds is important."
Most importantly, Dr. Hutcherson stresses the importance of date night. "I know you say when your kids are away you're cleaning the house," she tells Rich and Amanda. "Don't do that! Leave the house and rule number one is, we don't talk about kids when we're on a date. We talk about each other and the love for each other." Other taboo conversation topics: problems at work and the bills.
"Once in a while check into a hotel, even if it's for one hour!" Dr. Hutcherson advises, because a change of location is an aphrodisiac, she even suggests meeting for a midday tryst instead of waiting until the end of the day.
As homework, she tells Amanda and Rich to write one thing that they would like the other to do for them on different colored cards. "It may be something you've done before, or it may be something you've never done before but always wanted to do. On date night, pull out one card and you have to fufill your partner's wish."
For Terri and Mike, who have been married 25 years, their lack of romance is exacerbated by the lack of atmosphere in their bedroom.
To bring the couple back together for their 25th anniversary, Dr. Hutcherson and Evette Rios decide their bedroom is in need of a romance overhaul.
Computers, other office equipment
Photos of the children
Bland, institutional color on the walls
Photos of the two of them together
Has the new ambiance made a difference for the couple? Terri admits she and Mike have been spending a "scary lot of time" in the new bedroom. "I'm exhausted!" she says.
- latest show clips
- celebrity friends
- cooking videos
- rachael between the scenes
- backstage pass
- tips and stories
- be on the show
- set tour
- audience tickets
- rachael's bio
- what's rach wearing
- rach on the radio
- follow us on twitter
- join us on facebook