Things Mom Never Told You About Sex
"When my friends talk about it, I feel like I'm 13!" says Gloria, a 35-year-old woman who admits she is too embarrassed to masturbate or talk about this sexual activity. "It's not that I'm not curious, it's just that I haven't figured out how the whole thing works. Am I supposed to pretend I'm somewhere else? Am I supposed to be in my apartment? What do I think about my dog being there? Should I kick him out? Is this OK for him to see?"
Rachael introduces Gloria to sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Logan Levkoff, who reassures this viewer that she is not alone. "We have all this guilt and shame about it, when it's really an important and healthy part about experiencing our own sexuality," Dr. Levkoff says, adding that the activity is also good for your health. "Pleasure relieves stress, and can relieve menstrual cramps. There are a lot of good benefits of having regular pleasure from masturbation or from sex in general." The doctor says it's also a good way of getting to know your body, so you'll be able to notice if something is wrong.
For women with busy schedules and demanding lives, Dr. Levkoff says masturbation is also a great way to unwind. "It's about taking the time for yourself," she says, "whether it's putting on music that relaxes you or taking a bath or doing things that are for your benefit; to take you away from all the other outside stresses in your life. It's just about women knowing we are entitled to pleasure, we can find pleasure on our own as well as with a partner, and however we find that fulfillment we should be comfortable with that." Once women realize this, Dr. Levkoff says they will see improvements in their relationships, too. "We have such a hard time talking to each other about our feelings, about what feels good, what is emotional or physical, and this is a huge problem for couples. So to be able to say, 'I really like it when one does this or this feels good,' that enables us to have pleasure more often than what we have now. Not everyone gets fulfillment from sexual experiences because they just don't know their own bodies."
If you're not sure how to get started, Dr. Levkoff suggests being creative or just doing what feels right. "There's no right or wrong," she says. "You do what's comfortable for you and hopefully pleasure will come shortly after!"
Dr. Levkoff answers a few questions from Rachael's audience and shares a few tips that you can do today to get more pleasure in bed!
"I was wondering if there were certain exercises you could do to have better sex?"
Dr. Levkoff: In addition to Kegel exercises, Dr. Levkoff suggests a trip to the gym. "Anything to basically strengthen the pelvic floor, so Yoga is a good stretch and benefits sex. But exercise in general ... things that send blood all the way to your genitals can speed up your libido." She adds that just feeling better about yourself can translate into better sex.
"I had a dream that I was intimate with a woman and I would like to know am I bisexual? Am I bicurious? I need help, I need to know what's going on!"
Dr. Levkoff: "Fantasies are just about fantasies. We can fantasize about women, men, experiences with people who serve us lattés in the morning, it doesn’t mean you want to actually have sex with them; it's just our mind working and a really safe way to explore sex with other people that you wouldn't necessarily want to have sex with in real life. So it doesn't necessarily mean you're bi or anything, it just means you have an active and very healthy imagination!"
I’ve been married for 25 years and my husband is asking me to talk dirty to him now sexually in the bedroom. Can you give me some advice on how I can handle the situation and feel more comfortable?
Dr. Levkoff: "First, I would like to give you a hand for after 25 years wanting to keep things spicy; I commend it! Here's the thing: the concept of talking dirty isn’t necessarily comfortable for everyone, especially because we have these images of people using profanity or being derogatory, which could be a turn off and not a turn on. So I think the easiest way to get into that mind set is to talk about what you’re feeling; that’s an easy way to engage in talking dirty. The other thing is if you’re just not comfortable with it, there are plenty of books and erotic literature that you can read aloud to your partner that could be stimulating and you're not talking about yourself."
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