Comedian, actress and author Ali Wentworth has some tough love for an audience member who’s not exactly sure how to parent her daughter now that she’s in her twenties.

Q: “I have a daughter who’s graduating in May from college. She’s going to be moving home [with us] after four years away. I was wondering if you had any advice for me, on how to still parent her, but still be able to give her freedom?” – Lisa

A: “I don’t think you can parent anymore. I think that if she wants to bring home the guy with the thing in his nose [piercing], you’ve got to let them. When they’re teenagers — I have a 15 year old — you can kind of control them. You just take away their phone and they turn into water. But I think at this age she’s pretty much who she is. … Just don’t try to be her best friend. Don’t go to pilates with her and do shots. Don’t be that mom.” – Ali

To hear it in Ali’s words, watch the video above.