Lifestyle

I Want to Renew Our Vows, But It's Not Important to My Husband—Help, Dr. Drew!

by Rose Marie Walano 3:00 AM, May 17, 2018

Aired May 17, 2018

Ever consider renewing your vows?

Jogiana certainly has! But her husband of 19 years? Notttt so enthused.

Still, that hasn't made her want to do it any less — as she explained to Dr. Drew.

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JOGIANA: "I've tried many times to get my husband to renew our vows. This August 7th, we'll be married 19 years. I tried at 10. I tried at 15. And it's not that he doesn't want to, but it's just things — everyday things — of work or kids sports, etc., [that makes him say they should push it off]. At least once a week I tell him, and he says, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah.' [He doesn't want to do it], but he doesn't give me a reason why."

DR. DREW'S TAKE: "As I hear about this, I wonder, why is he persisting, and why are you resisting? Both of you have motivational states that need explanation. It makes me wonder, is your relationship okay, and his this supposed to heal something magical get better in your relationship?"

But Jogiana said things are "absolutely good," even physically. ("Thank goodness, yes!" she affirms.)

So why does she want to do it? "I've watched movies, shows where they remove their vows, and it's so beautiful. And we have a 16 and a 10 year old, and I would love them to walk me down the aisle again."

Drew considers that it could be the expense, but he says, "First of all, you have to find out what's going on with him. Find out why he's resisting so much. And he needs to hear from you really how important it is for you. But this is clearly something that means something for you."

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Rachael said when she and her husband, John, renewed their vows, she just wore a cocktail dress and her dog, Isaboo, walked her down the aisle. And that kind of casual attitude, Drew thinks, may be the solution: "You may have to tone down your expectations — some superficial needs — and find out what his needs are."

"Focus on what would be the meaning of it," he adds, "not what the superficial blush would be, but what it would mean to both of you. And tone it way down, and it bet he'd go for it."