Marriage Checkups

Playing Marriage Checkups

Marriage Checkups

Think your marriage is rock solid? Meet the man who says every couple needs an annual marital checkup to fix what you might not even know is broken! "It helps couples to assess what the strengths of their relationship are, to go over any areas that they might be concerned about, and to give them tools to help them keep their marriage healthy," explains *The Marriage Checkup* author Dr. James Cordova. The checkup he suggests involves setting aside some time to talk and be sure you are both happy with how things are going at home. "We want it to be preventative," he says. "Imagine that you only went to see the dentist when your teeth really started to hurt ... that's what we have with our marriages. The only time that we can actually tun in to our marriages is when they start to hurt and they grab our attention." The checkup is a way to tune in, pay attention, be appreciative and work on the things that concern you about your relationship. Want to give it a try? Dr. Cordova is sharing the steps for an at-home marriage checkup, and [click here to enter for a chance to win his book](/club/giveaways/)! • "Ask about the quality of your intimacy. Do the two of you feel safe being yourself with each other? That's a big indicator of how healthy the relationship is - how safe you feel being yourself." • "Another thing you can ask about is the quality of what we call radical acceptance," he says. "To what degree do you feel like you accept each other? Not just for the things you like, but for the things that are maybe not your favorite things. We've talked about it as accepting each other, warts and all." • "Ask about how they express hurt and anger to each other because it's going to happen - you're going to get hurt, you're going to get angry. There are ways of being hurt and angry that are healthy for a marriage in the long run and then there are ways when they start to become personal criticisms attacks against the other person's character, that are more corrosive over time." • "Ask about the quality of your repair. I mean, are you good at forgiving each other? Are you letting little hurts accumulate over time? As little hurts accumulate it can actually drive the marital immune system down, so you want to repair those hurts as quickly as they happen."

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